WHEN HARRY MET SALLY......OR SOMEONE ELSE

 

 

Well, it all starts again in a few days with that semi-regular visit to the House of Windsor. This time it’s for one of those fucked weddings. When Harry met Sally, there was an immediate vibe which has blossomed into true love and paved the way for Saturday’s exchanging of vows. I can hardly wait.

Harry has promised that his 2018 vows will be very similar to those uttered by big brother Will when he married Grace in 2011. Of course, those original vows have been tested dramatically since Will and Grace’s wedding. Subsequent sprog generation has resulted in a nest of royal infants who, when assembled, look like something out of a Town and Country fashion shoot from the 1930s. The fact that Princess Bluto hasn’t uttered a sound since her birth some three years ago is also of mounting concern. Sources close to the palace reveal that Will’s eyes are now pointed firmly in the direction of Scary Spice, especially since she’s lost all that weight. And she’s managed to keep it off, too!

Some details of the wedding ceremony and reception have been leaked and, apparently, I’m afraid of Americans will serve as the soundtrack for the newly-weds’ bridal waltz. This is not so much a homage to the recently departed David Bowie but rather an explanation for Sally’s dad who is missing in action somewhere in Borneo. Prince Phillip is leading a search and recover mission. His liaison skills in Third World countries are well documented.

I’ve often wondered how people become enthralled with all this shit. My own assessment is that it panders to people with feeble minds whose attention can normally be captured by shaking a crate of bottle tops somewhere in their vicinity. Brightly coloured- but worthless- trinkets also have the same effect.

For those of you who may be punters, here’s my list of audio-visual clichés that are about to invade our devices of choice.

·         All the pomp and ceremony.

·         Diana will be looking down and she’ll be well-pleased with what she sees.

·         Prince Charles’ beloved Lord Louis Mountbatten. N.B. Punters looking for a bit of value might like to pencil in an each way bet on ‘Lord Mountbatten’s left thong’ but, to be honest, it’s a roughie.

·         Anything to do with the uniforms of the Queen’s Guard.

·         Cockney dancing accompanied by a Union Jack waistcoat and bowler hat.

·         The always intriguing revelations of how the royal horse carriage is prepared and some of its compelling features. And there’s always a fuckin’ Oz connection….trust me.

To conclude, the whole damn thing is a load of crap and it’s pitched at dullards.